Kathy from Izmit
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Photo by Izmit Municipality
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- Tell us a little bit about yourself...
I'm 55 years old, though I certainly don't feel it. I always say that I'm at
that difficult stage in life - too old to be young, but too young to be old.
I'm divorced, I have two grown up children, both married and living abroad;
a son who lives with his wife and two children in Australia, and a daughter
who lives with her husband and four children in Israel. I'm a Business Development
Manager and I also have a certificate in T.E.S.O.L - so I can always fall back
on teaching if I haven't got a regular job; which isn't to say that teaching
isn't a regular job, it just isn't my first choice of a career.
I love animals, especially cats and dogs. I had a street cat for over a year. He came to me when he was just 7 weeks old. His name was Thomas. He was run over outside my house about 18 months ago - I still miss him. I have written quite a few stories, which feature Thomas as the writer - I may share them with you later on. I wrote them for my grand children. I've also had a dog, Tom. I found him in the roadside when he was just two weeks old. I nursed him and fed him by hand until he was about 7 weeks old. His eyes weren't even open and he didn't have any teeth when I found him. I used to take him to work with me every day - he lived in a basket under my desk. My boss wasn't exactly thrilled, but being a 'crazy foreigner' he endured it. When he got too big to stay in my room, and because he used to prevent anyone from coming in to see me, especially my boss, who for some reason he hated, I had a kennel built for him and he lived on our office site. He came to sit with me every day and always ate his meals with me. I really loved him. Unfortunately, when I left the company, and before I had had time to make any arrangements for him, he wondered off and has never been seen again. I spent weeks on the roads looking for him.
It upsets me to think of what may have happened to him. He was just a wild dog to everyone else, but to me he was a real friend. He may have been wild but for the first year of his life he knew only love and kindness; I always hate to think of him being lost, cold and miserable. Anyway, that's enough of that subject.
I'm a Christian but I've read the Koran several times. My daughter became a Muslim about ten years ago, so I wanted to learn all about her religion, which I find very interesting
I live alone and have forgotten what male company is like - on a personal level that is.
- What made you come to Turkey?
About 9 years ago my family were hosts to a Turkish businessman who had come
to the U.K to learn English. He stayed with us for 3 months. After he left we
kept in touch, then, later on he brought two of his children over. They stayed
with me for two weeks. Our two families became friends and I was invited to
their home to participate in family occasions.
About 6 years ago, just after the death of my mother, I decided that I would like to live outside of the U.K so I went to a language school, studied for my TESOL certificate, so I could always find employment, and then decided to go to Russia. However my Turkish friends had other ideas and persuaded me that Türkiye would be better for me as they could 'protect me' My children also thought it was a better idea, especially my son, who was worried about me being alone in a foreign country - sons are like that. Anyway, I came to Türkiye, to Izmit. I've been here ever since.
- Can you compare your first years here with today?
I had been to Türkiye for holidays - to tourist resorts, Izmir, Çesme and Istanbul
and had even visited Izmit twice before, even so, it was a huge cultural shock
- especially as a strong, quite outspoken and very independent woman.
Izmit, at that time was quite a dirty place, not from rubbish or litter, but from all the muddy roads - there weren't any pavements. It was always incredibly dusty. It never ceased to amaze me how Turkish women kept their windows and curtains so clean and bright - and the washing, rows and rows of brilliant white washing: they would have put many Europeans to shame. I lived on the main road in the city center. We had a rail-track running along the whole length of the road, it divided the city in two. It was excellent. I can't describe it to you. I felt that I was living in a different dimension. Old and modern mixed together in perfect harmony. I remember one morning, waking very early to the sound of the first call to prayer. The sky was all shades of red and gray, with just a glimmer of light, down below my balcony I could see a parked car, a Mercedes: there was a bedraggled looking horse dragging an old cart with an ancient woman dozing in the driver's seat. I could see across to the Marmara Sea where several small boats, probably fishing boats, were returning to shore. And the train line, that wonderful, comforting train line that made my apartment shake every time a train trundled through. Listening to the haunting voice of the Imam calling across the sleeping city and looking out at all these different modes of transport, roads with no pavements, green trees swaying in the gentle breeze, I fell in love with the city and fell as though I was truly at home.
Of course after the devastating impact of the earthquake, which was the most terrifying experience of my life, life in Izmit changed. There was so much devastation - so much death and destruction everywhere. Yet in the worst of times, there's always some good. Izmit, with true courage and pride, stood up, shook itself down, and started all over again. I know very little about politics in Türkiye, and would never dream of criticizing what I don't understand. However, what the city planners have achieved in Izmit is absolutely amazing. Gone is the mangled railway line - utterly destroyed in the earthquake, in its place is a very European boulevard.
Destroyed homes have, for the most part, been torn down and new buildings erected. We have beautiful new roads and pavements, new trees have been planted everywhere: the city, which is basically industrial, has a new lease of life; it is vibrant and alive. I love it here. I love the people; don't you think that Turks are the most hospitable people in the world? I love the culture, I love the traditions, I love the respectful way people treat each other; I love the courage and fortitude of the Turkish people; I love their strength and their dignity.
- Has living in Turkey influenced your approach to life?
Most certainly. I have found a peace in Türkiye that I have never encountered
in any other country. I always think that Turks, who are almost all Muslim,
live a far more Christian life than Christians.
I have learned to become far more tolerant and don't look on life in such a materialistic way as I once did. Living through an earthquake soon made me realise what is truly important in life, and it isn't things. Of course life isn't perfect; there are plenty of times when I want to scream from the rooftops at the top of my voice. The yavas, yavas mentality (slowly, slowly) drives me crazy, but I wouldn't really want to change anything -it's all part of why I love it here.
Izmit is still small enough to be like a neighborhood, at least that's how it feels to me. Everywhere I go people know me and I always get wonderful service-wonderful.
When I leave Türkiye, albeit for business of for a holiday, I always feel as though I am leaving part of me behind. When I return, I feel whole again. There is no sight in the world like the view from the Bosphorous Bridge - day or night, whatever the season, it's magical.
- Turkish language?
I'm ashamed to say that even after 6 years, I can't string a decent sentence
together. Is it a handicap? Sometimes but not often. I have lots of friends,
and shopkeepers are always delighted to serve me - every one wants to practice
their English. Why haven't I learned? Mainly because of the work that I do.
Shortly after arriving in Izmit, my friend persuaded me to work for him; he
owns a thriving electrical & mechanical installation company - EREL Electrotechnics-
I was developing his international business, procuring materials from abroad,
preparing documents in English, teaching his engineers English, entertaining
foreign business men, visiting international companies in Istanbul and Ankara,
writing company publicity in English, preparing and presenting bids for projects
that were in English, so there was little time left for learning Turkish (goodness,
I feel as though I am writing my CV) I worked at EREL for over 5 years, then
I taught English for a few months, and now I'm working in a company that is
developing plans to open a Water Ski Park at Sapanca lake, so again, it's my
English and business skills that are needed, far more than Turkish. However,
I will have to make a very serious effort to learn in the very near future as
I want to apply for citizenship; part of the criteria is that I must be able
to conduct my interview in Turkish.
- Let's talk about Izmit Region ?
Haven't I covered this already? I am not a lover of big cities and not a great
socialiser. I don't feel the need to be among other 'foreigners'. In fact, most,
though not all, of the British people that I have met since I've been here have
been so negative; I prefer not to be with them. I find it difficult to understand
how people, especially the brits, can go to a foreign country and expect to
find everything English. I was with a British couple at a restaurant in Masukiye
a few years ago; neither could speak any Turkish at all. They were most put
out that the waiters couldn't speak
English and compensated by ordering their food in voices at least three decibels
higher than normal - you know, in the way that some unenlightened people try
to communicate with people who are hearing impaired, or even in a wheelchair;
they speak in very loud patronising voices - I hate it.
Why am I still in Izmit? It's my home: After the earthquake, watching the city being reborn, watching the people trying to put some semblance of order back in to their lives, watching people coping with grief that I couldn't even begin to comprehend - imagine your whole family being wiped out before your very eyes. Well, that was when I realised that I was watching the rebirth of a city that I was part of, that I truly identified with. I had lived through the horror, I had been part of the horror, I shared experiences with the people if Izmit that has made me part of this city in a way that no other city in the world will ever be able to take me away from.
- What do you do in your daily life?
Work. I'm a workaholic. I eat out at restaurants at least twice a week. Old
students visit me quite regularly. I like to go walking, I like to read, and
I enjoy writing short stories. My younger friends often take me to a bar to
listen to some mind blowing heavy rock music. I have a good life and I am extremely
lucky in that I have lots of very handsome young men to act as my escort whenever
I want to go somewhere. You know the customs and traditions in Türkiye are very
different to European customs, and, though Izmit is quite modern, it still holds
many old fashioned views. It's still frowned upon for women to be out without
a male escort at night. I once asked a friend of mine to accompany me to a restaurant-
I thought it would be a nice way to spend an evening together. She turned up
at the restaurant with her husband and two children - perfectly normal for her,
but it completely threw me. I would be viewed with great suspicion if I was
to go out, platonically, with older men; women just don't have one to one friendships
with men - it's unheard of (especially in my generation) So I have the very
good fortune to always be in the company of young men; it does wonders for my
ego, we have excellent friendships, they can discuss things with me (being an
older woman, who is also foreign), that they couldn't discuss with their own
mothers or aunts. As a mother of a grown up son, I can identify with them and,
because I am not so involved with them, my advice is quite impartial. I can
understand a young man's hopes and dreams, but can also very much appreciate
his mother's worries and concerns.
- Family?
As I have already mentioned, my son, who is 34, lives in Australia; he's got
two children and two stepchildren from his wife's former marriage.
He's been in Australia for 8 years. I've only seen him twice in that time, once when he got married and once just after the earthquake; he was desperately worried about me, especially as we were unable to make contact for three days: he had actually purchased a ticket to fly to Türkiye, thinking that he was going to be joining thousand of other bereaved relatives in digging the bodies of their loved ones from the rubble. My boss was the first one to make contact with him and then he immediately took me to Istanbul to obtain a visa and then took me directly to the airport, in the clothes that I stood up in (I had worn them for 3 days) he paid for my ticket and gave me $500 for the journey - a good friend and a very good man.
Anyway, Stephen, my son, is very happy; he has a great life and family - and my daughter-in law really loves me - because I live so far away! I'm the best mother-in-law a girl could have - she always tells me so. Her name is Moray and I love her dearly; she has made my son a very happy young man.
My daughter Karen will be thirty, next month. She went to Israel when she was 18. She worked on a kibbutz for 6 months, but never really returned. She met Mohamed, her husband. Within 2 weeks of returning from her stint at the Kibbutz, she had secured a nanny position advertised in the Lady magazine and was on her way back to Israel.
She, her husband and 4 children live on a farm. Her life is incredibly hard, but she loves it and never ever complains about anything. She is my pride and joy. Whenever I see her I get this immense feeling of pride. She is a dream daughter, her husband idolizes her and she adores him. She converted to the Muslim religion because she chose to; not because of any pressure from her husband (who is quite relaxed and modern in his views). She prays 5 times a day, covers her head at all times (which I personally hate) but teaches her children both religions. When Rhianne, my first grand child was born, Mohamed agreed for her to be christened, as a mark of love and respect for me. He promised this before she was born, before he knew if the baby was male or female. I love him very much - he's a very good man.
So, we are an international family.
I have brothers and sisters back in the U.K but both my parents are dead. my father died when I was only 6 years old, and my mother died 7 years ago - so, technically I'm an orphan!
- Have you traveled a lot in Turkey? Tell us your discoveries
Nowhere near as much as I would like to. I've been to Ephesus, Kusadasi, Amasra,
Fethiye, Bolu, Abant (a magical place), Ankara, Istanbul and all the provinces
around Izmit. Masukiye and Sapanca are still my favourite places.
People in the outlying villages live a very different life to city dwellers; it's like stepping back in time. Watching people work their land using the most archaic tools, taking their cows for a walk, tethered to long ropes. Village life is particularly hard for women; they do all the work and the men sit around khave houses, putting the world to rights. Villagers are extremely hospitable and really do believe that foreign visitors are a blessing from Allah. Not all villages are the same; some are richer than others, some are prettier than others, some are bigger than others, but they all have one thing in common - hospitality and friendship
- What is your preferred characteristic trait of Turks?
There are so may. Genuine friendship, genuine hospitality, and the way every
one always rallies around to help each other; people will share their last loaf
of bread with you if you are hungry. I love their love of God. I love the way
that God is still so very much part of their daily lives. I love the way that
they give thanks for their blessings instead of dwelling on what they haven't
got. I love the way that even the most basic and primitive of homes is always
kept spotlessly clean; Turkish people are very nationalistic; they have great
pride in their country and in their flag. I love their pride in Ataturk, one
of the greatest visionaries of the 20th century.
- What was the annoying one?
Only one? I hate the yavas, yavas mentality, it really irritates me. I don't
like the way things don't seem to have moved on from Ataturk's time: Türkiye
needs another hero. I truly hate the way people are dismissive of my city, but
this isn't a Turkish problem -it's a foreign perception problem. I loathe and
detest the small but highly visible groups of men who stand on street corners
or sit in cafes or bars, just to ogle women. I hate they way they assume if
a woman is on her own, she must be fair game. The worst of it is that these
men are usually married to women who are covered; no one can look at their wives
but they can leer of everyone else's.
- Turkish Cuisine?
I love it. I very rarely cook British food. My only problem is that I absolutely
hate milk, yogurt and goats cheese. When I first arrived here, I ate with my
eyes - I rejected most things because they didn't 'look nice'' what a fool I
was. Now I eat with everything - that's why I'm constantly battling with my
weight.
- Any suggestion to new comers to Turkey?
Don't expect Türkiye to be like your own country. You are a guest in this country,
act accordingly. It's so easy to be negative, always look on the bright side
of a situation; don't expect things to happen in a day, even a week, or a month,
especially when dealing with red tape. Try to learn a few words of greeting;
locals really do appreciate the effort.
Learn some local customs and traditions - it really helps and will save you lots of embarrassment. Please don't forget that you represent your own country while you are here. People will judge your society on your behavior. Relax and have a great time.
- Any suggestion to people planning to visit Izmit region...
It's the best decision you will make: Once you have decided to visit here, contact
me, I'd be delighted to show you around my city. We have an excellent water
ski school here and loads of other attractions - come and see.